i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
