cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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