I wish life had little blips of pornography
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
