I just threw up on my dentist
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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