My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
