the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
