3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Randomize
