still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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