Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i was born a porn star she said
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
