WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
