So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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