If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
