Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
