Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize