Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
