Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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