How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
