DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
How does one acquire holy water?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
