i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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