I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
