i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
