my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize