I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
