is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
