Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
