Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
