the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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