I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
