hell yes lets make some ravioli
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
