OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
