He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
