I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
