I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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