I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
