you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You did what with his pubic hair?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
