Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
