Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
