when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
