I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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