Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
