You're completely useless in the revolution.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
