Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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