All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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