Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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