Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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