her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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