im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
