i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
