She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
