Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
