I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
