Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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