I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
