I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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