I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
