And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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