You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize