dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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