I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
