They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
