I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
