wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize