I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
