So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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