you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize