life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
