Do you still have your period?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
