I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
