he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I have already put on my inside pants.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize