you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
