we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
