I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Randomize
