And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
