She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
