i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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