Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
