I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Randomize
