..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
