if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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