so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
